Forest People are everywhere

They are everywhere, yet no one notices, silent, but impacting our society in numerous ways. Forest People are slowly infiltrating our society and spreading their grass-roots message of empowerment through leaves. Spawned from the great roots of the Grand Oak Tree (located somewhere in Oregon), these bearded creatures have ruled forests and various shrubs for ages.

The first recorded sighting of Forest People occurred in 1824 in Northern California. Eyewitness accounts were published in local newspapers with titles such as “New Intelligent Creatures Found!” and “People of the Trees Make Contact With Normal-Folk!”

The term “Forest Person” was coined by local Bill Perdikaris who explained that they only live in the forest, and therefore need to be named after their habitat. The creatures were studied intensively and were discovered to be asexual, and seemed to have a native language of their own. Various grunts and animal sounds made up the bulk of the dialect, but possible telepathic communication is also suspected. Around the mid nineteenth century, Forest People seemed to disappear from the great forests of northwestern America. Various theories are present, but many believe that the Forest People had become agitated by our continual prodding into their culture and our inability to use magic.

Worldwide reports, however, have recently found that the Forest People population is growing at a rapid rate in other locations. With the current high deforestation rate, these Forest People have less and less space to work with, and therefore are forced to adapt to our society. The universal traits of a Forest Person are a foot-long snow-white beard and a walking cane fashioned from oak or pine.

If you believe that you live near a Forest Person, do not feel intimidated, as they only use their magic to defend territory. With friendly gestures and polite words, any Forest Person situation can easily be defused. Treat Forest People with respect, or else they’ll suspend you upside down from the nearest tree in the blink of an eye.

By Tyler Greene